G'day, Fellow Blokes,
Today, we need to tackle a topic that’s been quietly gnawing at the sanity of our great nation. It's time we had a fair dinkum conversation about a peculiar trend that’s gaining traction: women identifying as cats. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a bit of role-playing and indulging in harmless fantasies. But when it starts to cross the line into the realm of the absurd, it’s time to put our paw, err foot down.
The Cat's Out of the Bag
Lads, if you’re dating a woman who identifies as a cat, it’s time to reassess your life choices. Seriously. If she gets down on all fours and it’s not for the good ol' “doggy style,” then you need to hit the frog and toad. If she asks you to “pet her” and your hands aren’t going anywhere near her knickers, it’s time to reconsider your relationship.
The Fine Line Between Fantasy and Reality
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of bedroom fun and games, as long as it’s between consenting adults and doesn’t involve minors or harm anyone. But when your missus starts drinking from a cat bowl and meowing until you refill it, mate, that’s a clear sign to get the fuck out. This isn’t about being a killjoy; it’s about maintaining a grip on reality.
The Danger of Normalising Nonsense
We’ve already got enough on our plates dealing with the “sheeple” who believe everything they see on TV, read in the paper, or are told by their progressively authoritarian big government. We don’t need to add normalising bestiality into the mix. Let’s keep our role-playing human, shall we? If she wants to be treated like a pussy cat, fine, give her lots of rubs, cuddles, and love. But remember, she’s a human being, not an actual feline.
The Animal Shelter Option
If your lady insists on living her life as a cat, drop her off at the local animal shelter. It might sound harsh, but it’s better for both of you in the long run. Or, wait for her to meet a real “tom cat” and see how that relationship works out. Spoiler alert: it won’t.
A Touch of Satire
To lighten things up a bit more, imagine the public mental health service announcement: “Nation Urged to Stop Pampering the Pussy!” Picture the headlines: “Man Dumps Cat-Woman at Animal Shelter – Says He’s Had Enough!” It’s absurd, right? But so is the idea of dating someone who genuinely believes they’re a cat.
Conclusion: A Message of Hope
In conclusion, it’s time we, the blokes of Australia, drew a line in the sandbox. Let’s keep our relationships rooted in reality and not indulge in the bizarre trend of human-cat hybrid fantasies. We’ve got enough real problems to deal with without adding this to the mix.
Have a purrfect day, punters!
Cheers,
Senator Papahatziharalambrous, writing for The 13 O'clock News
That's all for meow!
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